Being Indian we are used to handling so many relationships with either due to culture, morality, or by birth. We all keep on juggling between people who play different roles in our life. I was born and brought up like a typical Indian girl having so many relationships being it a mother, a wife daughter Daughter in law, Chachi, Maami and whatnot. I have been hearing or reading about the importance of setting boundaries on Facebook and Instagram for so long and wonder, is it really possible to set a boundary in a close relation? I was conditioned since childhood to say yes to everything. Yes, ma'am. Yes, Mom. Yes, Dad. Obviously, I was taught to respect elders and be an 'agyakari' child.
I remember in my moral studies class teacher taught me so many lessons to become a 'good girl' who never says 'NO' to anything. When I grew up I sometimes dare to say NO, but was discarded from the category of a good girl, ideal bahu or a wife. Doing so, disheartened me and gave me a lot of stress because most of the time I wanted to say No, but out of fear of rejection, I landed saying 'yes'. Off course "Char log kya sochenge". Hmmm...
Eventually when I learned how to say no or set a healthy boundary from my mentor Pooja. I realized it is easy if you communicate effectively without hurting anyone.
Now without wasting a single minute I am going to share it with you all.
Here comes my 3-step formula for setting a healthy boundary in a relationship:
1.Identify the relationship with whom you need to set a boundary.
2.Communicate it effectively to the person. (Wait I am gonna tell you how to communicate it effectively.)
Just express the following 3 things to the person.
How do I feel about it?
What is it that I want instead?
Tell the truth with compassion without letting them feel hurt.
3.Set the clear consequences for violation of the boundary.
This really helped me a lot. And now I can handle any relation without guilt or fear of losing them, simultaneously enjoying my privacy and personal space without hurting my self-respect. Come on people, go and try this formula and set healthy boundaries with others and enjoy your relationships.
Priyanka Verma
Life transformation Coach
Can you describe point 3 in detail? For example, if my parent or some other "respected" elder actively hinders my personal growth, for example, by forcing me into marriage (and threatening if I don't comply), what should I do? I don't want to cut off my relationship with them, knowing that they are still beloved despite our fundamental differences in a core personal value. Trying to steer the conversation and even clearly telling them to stop talking about it don't help either.